how to resolve an argument with a friend

Stay on topic. Never call your friend names or use physical threats or violence. In a heated situation it’s easy to lash out at the person we feel has offended us, causing us to say or do things we later regret. Depending on how intense the argument is and how good you are at tempering your emotions in the moment, you may feel comfortable with resuming the discussion with the other person once you take a moment to try to calm down. She received her MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Marquette University in 2011. There are always two people in a conflict, and in most case both people exhibit behaviors that contribute to the issue. I don't know how to resolve this. You shouldn't apologize for someone else's mistakes. Insist that both sides input in solution generation and e nsure each suggests what he or she personally might do to resolve the conflict. If you just hide, it'll make the situation more awkward than it already is. Stop telling them what is wrong with their behavior toward you (it only shows them you're rattled) and instead start telling them how their attitude and behavior toward the task at hand is below par and lackluster (focus on what's expected of them, not their actions toward you). Resist the urge to plow back into the argument: you said, no I didn’t, if you hadn’t said, etc. This article was co-authored by Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS. Trudi Griffin is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Wisconsin specializing in Addictions and Mental Health. Face-to-face contact is the best approach to solving conflict because it reduces the likelihood of a miscommunication; you can’t tell a person’s tone or facial expression from a text message. This article has been viewed 52,587 times. If they choose to sever their relationship with you over something so frivolous, they are probably not the kind of people you need in your life anyway. Allow for space. Avoid engaging in hurtful behaviors such as name-calling, put-downs, or blaming. As well, try to express how you feel, as opposed to what you think the other person feels or thinks. Know that some arguments are okay; not all arguments are bad. Here's an expert's advice on how to resolve them. How about we go get coffee?". Working Towards a Resolution 1. of 3: When you communicate the issue, be conscious of the language you use. Now that you've had a healthy discussion about your relationship, it's important to reward yourselves by enjoying each other's company, so go out for dinner, watch a movie together, or have another drink. Remain calm throughout the discussion. You can say, "I think it would be better if we talk about this in person. Then listen to what she has to say. For partners who don't fight often, forgiveness may be the best way to resolve the argument, especially if it has escalated to a very angry or hurtful level. Agree a solution – Once the potential solutions have been discussed, decide on the solution that best meets the needs of both parties and your organisation. Your needs are just as important. Ask them both to try to see things from the other person's perspective. What did the person say? By using our site, you agree to our. If they act as if they're not following the tasks set, call them in individually and inform them that their work is subpar and that you are warning them as an individual of the need to improve. How to Fix an Argument Between Friends Method 1 Let’s say you found out that your friend was talking negatively about you behind your back. Listen to her point of view, and then explain how you feel. If you do this, the adult/teacher will respect you for your maturity. It can hurt and be difficult, but luckily there are positive ways of dealing with arguments and conflict such as: planning to fix the situation, utilizing conflict resolution skills, using positive communication, and reducing future conflicts. Do not simply accommodate the other person’s will or wishes. In order to mend the friendship, you may need to first address the problem or argument. If they've been fighting for a long time, maybe they'll be tired of fighting and ready to try to work this out. Come up with a solution you think is best. We know ads can be annoying, but they’re what allow us to make all of wikiHow available for free. There are 17 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page. Are you okay with that? My friends all think I used them for a girl, but I didn't, and they have been annoyed at me for weeks. These may work for you too, if you apply them wholeheartedly: 1. You can't let an argument go unresolved, or it will ruin your entire day. Try to find the root problem, the reason they're not getting along, and talk it over with them. You can also try to listen to music to calm down and focus on processing your emotions. Humor can only help you overcome relationship problems when both partners are in on the joke. ", You could start by saying, "I really want to solve this problem together. Get some alone time. ... One example is found in Sue Grafton’s character Kinsey Millhone, who, after an argument with a close friend, says: Don’t broadcast your argument to other people. This shows that you are willing to put your thoughts aside while you focus on her. This article was co-authored by Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS. Trudi Griffin is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Wisconsin specializing in Addictions and Mental Health. For example, a good friend, another family member, or professional help like a counselor, a therapist, or a spiritual guide. Please help us continue to provide you with our trusted how-to guides and videos for free by whitelisting wikiHow on your ad blocker. Compromising may mean you get only part of what you want, and sacrifice of your important desires. It doesn't really matter how long the fight has been going on. Maintain eye-contact that is comfortable, look away every once in a while, then regain eye-contact. Working Things Out. Admit what went wrong. Did you say something you regret? So now is the time to be your own best friend. Give each other space. Be the bigger person and end it yourself. You want to be sure you and the other person are starting from an emotionally light zone before venturing into the possibly more sensitive discussion about the argument. Pick an appropriate location that is somewhat private. Working out how you and your partner respond to conflict can help you to understand how arguments develop. She never seems to be able to do any thing during the week and lately I have been going out more with her on weekends ( in thh past month). Find out what the problem is, and talk to each person involved. Were you really mad when you tried to resolve the conflict? For example, focus on using transitions in your sentence with a phrase like “at the same time”, instead of “but”. Don't ask for respect. Meditate Arguing isn’t necessarily a bad thing in a friendship. If you need time to process your emotions, simply tell her that, and that you'll be back in touch with her when you're ready to talk. If your friend is willing to get together in-person to talk, you'll both have a better chance at expressing how you feel (and having your emotions be received as you intended them). How did you handle it? So if couples want to settle arguments in a healthy way, Heide lays out seven things that partners can do to help them resolve their issues and move on. It is okay to disagree with your friends sometimes, and argue or debate about a topic. Tell them they are friends, and friends don't fight. Prevent further damage to the relationship by taking a moment to regain your composure. There was a good deal of uncontrolled emotion on my side. However, you'll still want to talk things out in person eventually in order to … Identify the issue. Let wikiHow teach your kid how to take care of a dog! She received her MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Marquette University in 2011. If an argument does reach a high 10 on the anger scale, and things are said that you or the other person will likely regret saying later, it's important to think about how this conflict will affect your relationship with this person. There are 19 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page. Discussing the situation with a trusted friend or family member may also help give you perspective on the argument. wikiHow is where trusted research and expert knowledge come together. How would it feel to be in her situation? How do I make someone stop arguing with the rest of my friends? Try making new ones. "When a friend does something that really upsets me or hurts my feelings, I first count to 10 to see if it's still bothering me. One of the biggest mistakes couples make in arguing is that they don’t stay on track, VanDerZwet Stafford says. Give yourself time to calm down before even thinking of the subject of the conflict again. Let the dust settle first. Conflicts are common in children’s friendships, but they don’t have to mean the end of a relationship. All tip submissions are carefully reviewed before being published. Try to avoid any of the following: Stonewalling. Remember that a fight with your best friend has taken an emotional toll on you also. Method 2 “To resolve the fight, you need to let them talk first, listen to their argument, and validate what you can. As a manager, you're not there to get their love, just their best performance. You can walk away from anyone else you argue with, but you stay with your BFF and fix it. For example, if someone told you your friends was talking negatively about you, is it possible that this isn’t true? Whenever I go up to them or try to resolve, they start saying screw off and other insults. Tell them how their behavior makes you feel and ask if they can try to work out their problems in a more positive, respectful way. The more activities and skills you involve yourself in the better. There are lots of destructive things that people do in arguments that tend to make conflict worse rather than help resolve it. If one partner ever hits another a police report needs to be made and an appointment with a … I don't mean "you wore my shirt and spilled red wine on it" or "you ate the leftovers I was looking forward to all day" fights. Don't break a good friendship over minor issues. Reflecting on my experiences taught me some valuable lessons about how to fix friendships. I used to be friends with someone, but he recently left me due to an argument. Arguments between friends can lead to hurt feelings, avoidance of one another, an increase in future conflict, and ultimately, the breaking down of the friendship altogether. To create this article, 11 people, some anonymous, worked to edit and improve it over time. Of course, this is a two way conversation, so the other person should also be willing to take responsibility for their actions and words, and apologize for responding angrily. I really want to be able to understand you better. What do I do? wikiHow is where trusted research and expert knowledge come together. Last Updated: September 5, 2019 What should I do? Identify the Antecedent (what happened before the conflict), Behavior (what you did) and Consequence (what happened as a result of the behavior). Sometimes it's easier to write your friend an email or letter after an argument instead of calling or talking in person. Identify your strengths and cultivate them! It’s important to be sensitive to the other person. I wasn’t expressing myself well and I knew it. Here's an expert's advice on how to resolve them. When the game isn’t working – when discussions veer into argument territory – it’s helpful to pause and consider some new rules. Two of my friends are arguing over me and making me pick between them. Let the other person know you need a timeout or time away from the argument. You could say something like, "Hey. I also spend heaps of time with my boyfriend when I can. Ask each other questions like: “What must change or happen to meet your needs?” “What can we both do to not argue about this issue again?”. Give each other respect. Approach your friend calmly and tactfully. If you confronted your friend about what you heard, can you identify a better way you could have approached the situation? Calm down . By using our site, you agree to our. Another way of doings things differently is changing your actions. However, do not let it go on for more than that. Use “I statements,” such as, “I felt angry when I heard you were talking bad about me to other people.” Make sure you emphasize how you feel instead of what the other person did; you should always state your feelings first in order to reduce the likelihood that the other person will react emotionally or take it personally. Don't make excuses for your behavior. Tell them you won't choose. 5. It usually leaves the conversation with nowhere to go. An argument is a time of heightened emotions, so physically distancing yourself from the situation can help to put your emotions into perspective. But conflict doesn't have to lead to a "friendship breakup." For example, if you heard that your friend was talking negatively about you and you confronted her, some solutions might be that you could have spoken more assertively instead of aggressively, and your friend could have done the same. We use cookies to make wikiHow great. Keep in mind that the idea of “fighting fair” is mostly an oxymoron in a relationship, like “jumbo shrimp” or “military intelligence”. Clarke Sanders/Unsplash. Give up control. Seeking a deeper understanding of the other person's point of view will allow you both to move forward towards a resolution. Focus on being cooperative and helping the other person. This is a total withdrawal and refusal to discuss the issue. Another option might be talking aloud to yourself in an empty room or space. If you wait too long to speak with your friend again the problem could grow. In order to move beyond the conflict, you and your friend need to discuss the... 2. Gather some ideas about what hurt your feelings or made the situation more difficult for you. She provides therapy to people who struggle with addictions, mental health, and trauma in community health settings and private practice. So, work together... 3. It's okay to express your feelings. Focus on positive aspects of the relationship. Apologize. If you really can’t stand to see another ad again, then please consider supporting our work with a contribution to wikiHow. Regardless of who you had the argument with, it's important to figure out a way to resolve the disagreement and restore a sense of peace and calm to the relationship. My friend won't talk to me after a big fight. What would it be like to think her thoughts and feel her feelings? But it's essential you let the other person know you need a time away to sort out your thoughts and emotions, and never simply storm off or walk out of the room with no explanation or promise to return to resolve the argument. I want to gain respect from my team as the manager but they are trying to deliberately overrule me. Once you inform them you need to take a break, go into another room, excuse yourself from the table, or head out for a long walk or run. Listen to each other's points of view. For example, perhaps your friend called you a bad name and cursed at you, and this made you feel sad and angry. Set up a time and place to talk. Typically, arguments occur when one person's wants or needs are not being met. Avoid having conversations when you are very angry. Think about how the other person may be feeling as a result of the argument. So it's not surprising that a fight with a friend can be as heartbreaking as an argument with a partner. Walk away if there is a conflict that may escalate into aggressive communication or violence. I'd like to set up a time to talk with you in person? Take a look at the situation and think of how to solve it together. Analyze possible solutions and agree on one option that fits for the both of you. I mean friendship-ending fights. % of people told us that this article helped them. Discussing the Conflict with Your Friend 1. wikiHow is a “wiki,” similar to Wikipedia, which means that many of our articles are co-written by multiple authors. Or if you have an issue with the way your partner talks about your mother, be open to discussing why your partner talks about your mother in a certain way, and consider a solution where your partner spends less time around your mother. Begin by looking at what happened from your perspective and thinking rationally about it. Without first respecting your friend, it is unlikely that the conflict will be resolved amicably. Consider if anything you said or did towards them could have acted as a trigger for their anger. Talking About It. If the friendship is more important than the issues, don't let those issues win over your friendship. But now I feel to awkward to approach them. Running away from problems never makes them better. This article has been viewed 30,860 times. Avoid folding your arms over your chest or rolling your eyes. If they force you to choose, say neither, because they make you upset and involve you in their fights. Sometimes friends need a break from one another in order to re-assess the situation and get some clarity. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/7\/76\/Admit-Mistakes-Step-9-Version-2.jpg\/v4-460px-Admit-Mistakes-Step-9-Version-2.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/7\/76\/Admit-Mistakes-Step-9-Version-2.jpg\/aid3528884-v4-728px-Admit-Mistakes-Step-9-Version-2.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":"728","bigHeight":"546","licensing":"